I know I’ll die with student loan debt, because I dropped out of college after four and a half years, never have had a decent job, and finally moved to another country without leaving a forwarding address. They found me once after I filed an absentee ballot, then I moved again. Welp, guess I can’t vote in the US anymore.

However, I refuse to be held back for life because of contracts I signed when I was 18 and too stupid to know what I was getting into. I didn’t even want to go to college but my mom made me.

The whole thing is ridiculous and stupid and it sucks that the way I took is the only way out, as most don’t have the option to leave the country and never come back.

So someone stole some stolen items.

Don’t get me wrong, of course it’s important that items are kept safely and nobody gets to walk off with shiny things. But it’s a bit hypocritical, because the British Museum is full of things stolen from all over the world, they even have a page about it.

Still trying to come to terms with my new CPAP. I worked out a few bugs only to develop new ones. According to my smartwatch I’m still not staying in deep sleep for more than a minute or two at a time, and I’m absolutely exhausted. I’m hoping that it’s just that the CPAP works as intended but I’m not used to it yet, because I’m not going to get any help from the ResMed drone who gave it to me. I’m relying on YouTube for advice, which has been both helpful and worrying- my device is apparently an APAP and many of the YouTube experts hate them and even call them dangerous.

I also got a stomach virus late last week, which I’m still getting over, which isn’t conducive to good sleep. I had a massive fight with my adult son the day before I got sick, and then spent the weekend melting down from the sheer overwhelm of the exhaustion, illness, and emotional crap. I’ve been locked in my room since last Thursday and I’m not sure when it’ll be safe to emerge.

Thanks for that. Sadly, I’m far more likely to get useful information from the Internet than I am from my medical team. I actually turned to YouTube to “fill in” details the technician didn’t bother to tell me- namely that “mask leak” with a nasal pillow can be caused by opening your mouth. I also was able to work out, thanks to videos, that the nasal pillow I was told to use was a terrible fit for me, which is why I felt like I was suffocating and unable to breathe the first night, but the correct size was thankfully in the box. It’s been much smoother sailing since I swapped to the correct size pillow.

Thank you. Thank you. It really means more than you can imagine, I saw the little notification bell and thought for certain it was someone else disagreeing with me. I’m queer myself and very much an ally to everyone whose queerness is different to my own, and it hurt so much to learn that my diagnosis, to some, makes me less tolerable than a member of a hate group.

Unfortunately, when local professionals told me that autism is a disorder of childhood in which they are not trained, and therefore they will not see me, they are being very serious, not joking even in a dark and twisted way. My country has a kind of national health service and I happen to live in an area where there are no services of any kind for autistic adults. Once I am told “no, you can’t have an appointment, I don’t see autistic adults”, there is nowhere else to go.

Please understand that writing about my experience of autism in a Beehaw comment will necessarily give an extremely simplified and limited view of what my life is like. I’ve had similar discussions in the past where the other person either decided I was seeking advice or found a way to twist my experience to fit their beliefs, and I’m honestly not here for either- if I stop responding after this comment, that would probably be why. I also can only give a few examples without also writing a book.

I am hypersensitive to all kinds of things that non-disabled people can easily ignore. I cannot go anywhere where there might be harsh florescent lighting, sudden noises, flashing lights, loud music, or strong, invasive smells like perfume, because these things cause me literal pain. This means I can’t go shopping in a mall or pretty much anywhere else. I can’t go to any large gathering of people. In fact, I can rarely go outside at all, because you never know when you’re going to be confronted with someone who thinks the whole neighbourhood wants to hear their music. I suffer from severe emotional dysregulation that makes my life a living hell- I am 51 and I have regular meltdowns and attacks of rage. My behaviour is not “normal” for a woman of my age, and it causes me great distress and prevents me from living the life I want to live.

That is not to say that I would want to cure my autism. The fact is, I am attempting to get treatment for my sensory processing disorder but am fighting ableist anti-autistic attitudes from local health care professionals. I believe there needs to be some sort of place in the NT world for those of us who are totally overwhelmed by the NT world but also would like to not always be left out of everything.

If your argument is “you can’t be ableist against an autistic person because autism is not a disability”, we will have to agree to disagree, because my lived experience is that autism (for me) is disabling and ableism against the autistic is both real and disabling.

I also feel that reducing it to a simple language issue is negating that there are autistic folks (like me) who are disabled by aspects of their autism that are not related to failure to communicate with NDs. It’s good that your lived experience has been that autism is not disabling for you. My experience is different, and my experience still counts.

What I do is challenge this attitude when I see it. People think it’s acceptable to reject autistic people socially, and they continue to think this because nobody’s ever pointed out the inherent ableism in such an attitude. It’s just considered acceptable to feel that way, just like it would have been acceptable in the 1940s for a white person to not want Black people living in their neighbourhood- the same arguments were put forth, that integration could not and should not be forced on people. Now we know that is wrong. It’s time to know that social rejection of autistic people simply on the basis of autism is also wrong.

I think we agree on far more than we disagree on. However, for me, autism is legitimately disabling- I am prevented from engaging in many normal life activities that non-autistic people enjoy. Partly this is due to extremely severe sensory processing disorder, which I was told is part of my autism diagnosis and not a separate issue. Partly it’s due to ableism, which I define as “social prejudice against people with a specific diagnosis”- which is exactly what’s happening when an NT prefers the company of a member of a hate group above the company of someone with an autism diagnosis.

As an autistic adult, it makes me incredibly sad that you would prefer to meet a transphobe. Occasionally (not on Beehaw as far as I know) I’m accused of being pedantic and argumentative online, but often the cause is a total misinterpretation of my tone and intent. I find it heartbreaking that hanging out with a transphobe is preferable to trying to understand an autistic person, and in all sincerity I hope you will explore the cause of your ableism so you can overcome it.

I think that may be a good idea, because I noticed that when I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, then come back and reattach the hose, the higher pressure is actually more comfortable.

Last night I slept a little better and didn’t push the nasal pillow off in my sleep, so there’s some progress.

Yeah, it’s a big change. My adult son has been using CPAP for about two years and I’ve seen how much it helps him, so I am not giving up yet by any means. I’m just feeling whiny because I’m so tired of being exhausted and I guess I thought I’d see a huge benefit from day one.

Thanks for the kind words. When I say I feel like I’m suffocating, I mean that I feel like I can’t exhale properly, which to me feels like suffocating. But it’s only my first night with the machine and I don’t intend to give up. Ramp is turned on, and the device says I have the nasal pillows placed properly. The device has an SD card and I plan to install OSCAR to get better data, but because of the way the system works where I live, it’s better for me not to take out the SD card every single day if I can avoid it (I don’t own the machine, it belongs to the health service).

This week is being a bit of a roller coaster. I got a CPAP machine yesterday after having been on a waiting list to get one for years. I was so happy to get it! But last night was by far the worst sleep I’ve had in ages- the machine feels like it’s suffocating me, and I apparently pushed it off my face at some point during the night, but the ridiculous app that came with the machine does not tell you what time you removed the mask or for how long, and apparently if you wake up and take a long time to fall asleep again, the app will totally ignore the initial period of sleep.

So today I’m exhausted and irritable, and woke up to excited messages from friends who were expecting the CPAP to change my life from the very first night, which was difficult to cope with, though of course I know they meant well. I hope things will get better.

Well, I’m 51 and female, and I thoroughly enjoy being the age that I am. In fact I would say that I would rather be this age than any other age I’ve experienced yet. I highly recommend it. I know getting older is not going to be an entirely pleasant experience, but menopause was very like a second puberty, but instead of being self-conscious and insecure, this time I have run out of fucks to give and just do as I please, regardless of what people think. I had hot pink hair for most of the last year, I only gave it up because I’m too lazy to maintain it.

The jokey post is true. The difference is whether a user sees this as a bug or a feature. Many of us see it as a feature. If you see it as a bug, maybe Lemmy isn’t for you.

I also don’t want to see the Fediverse “succeed”. Both Reddit and Facebook were great for a while, then they “succeeded” and enshittification began. The Fediverse is fine how it is, it doesn’t need to become the most popular thing on the internet in order to keep my interest.

I think the issue is that your are expecting a perfectly seamless, Reddit-like experience, with all the admin work done for you but also always done to your satisfaction. That isn’t what the Fediverse is about. It’s more of a DIY ethic than a “The admins suck but this is all we have” like on Reddit.

I’m also not sure what you’d need to “migrate” to a new instance other than yourself. Karma isn’t super relevant here.

My main account is on Beehaw, which has very rightfully defederated with some other instances. When I log in using accounts on other instances, I don’t see a massive amount of missed content. In fact I’ve seen so little of interest that I’ve stopped looking, it’s not worth my time.

You can always set up your own instance if you are disturbed by the actions of admins on instances that you have joined.

Alternatively, if the instance you are on changes direction, you can easily find a new one. It literally took me about half an hour after I learned about the Fediverse to get myself set up on several instances, then later on I decided which I preferred. But I didn’t delete the other accounts- they’re still there in case I want them someday.

I hate to be pedantic, but I call the feeling “gratitude” rather than “thankfulness” because I personally don’t believe there’s anyone to thank or who could receive my thanks.

But I’m grateful for many many things. I was able to leave the US twenty-three years ago, and that may be the thing I’m most grateful for. I’m grateful that I recovered from depression seven years ago and have not had a serious relapse (I feel gratitude plays a huge part in that).

I’m grateful for my kids, for my home, my pets, my health, the beauty of the area where I live, the fact that I got an unexpected windfall that let me pay off my debts and line within my small income.

My life is good, and I am filled with gratitude for that.