Somehow I dont think “Magnificent Massive Mommy Milkies” would make you feel better.

I had a brain MRI a couple of years ago and got the same. My brain and your breasts are unremarkable.

“Those titties were dope, yo”

The other fun one from reports like this is grossly normal

I was doing an EKG a few days ago and the machine kept giving me a weird reading. I just said huh. I’m gonna message these results to the doctor real quick. Looks like nothing to me but the machine says it wants us to double check something!

Five minutes later the pgy4 chief resident is in the room with about five of his medical students all crowding around to get a good look.

I think the guy would’ve preferred that his be unremarkable.

It said the guy was basically having a fatal rhythm, but looked very suspiciously like a completely normal rhythm that the machine was seeing ghosts in. The chief resident’s conclusion was the same, but he had it sent off to cards regardless (we’re psychiatry the only part of the rhythm strip I pay attention to is the qrs complex and how far it is until the t wave. Everything else is greek to me).

Congratulations ✨ but oof 😓

My last x-ray results was:

UNREMARKABLE BONY THORACIC CAGE

I feel like they could have stop at unremarkable, no need to burn further by adding bony.

Maybe if you had French ones instead of US ones they would be markable

Derivative.