• 13 Posts
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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: June 29th, 2023

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  • You’re always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.

    And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.


  • Nonplussed…that takes me back.

    I was educated in a private school for British ex-pats run by a very old and very posh couple. This was the early eighties and they were already in their seventies, so definitely from a different era. Because of this and because of the size of our school (my entire year consisted of nine kids) we ended up quite odd. Up until highschool we had a mild but “poshy” London accent and words like vexing, nonplussed, providential, etc., peppered our vocabulary. Then my family moved to Louisiana followed by Texas and that shit went right out.

    Also, the word is aluminium. It is NOT aluminum!