This has been on my mind lately. My dad is going through it, his sister has got it pretty bad and I apparently have the predisposed gene to get in my future.

I’m leaning no because I wouldn’t want to make my child go through slowly watching their dad’s mind leave them and also potentially pass it on to them when they get older.

It’s thrown me for a loop since I always imagined myself having kids and I’m around that age now.

What do you think?

Edit: I just want to say that I did not expect the kind of response this post got. I’m grateful for all of your comments and the perspectives it’s allowed me to peak into.

I also should mention that were I to have children they would most certainly not be burdened by being the crutch of my own personal journey of accepting and loving who I am. That is work for me alone and I would never unload that responsibility onto those I love and especially those who I’d be raising.

As for my partner not wanting kids, I would never consider forcing or persuading them to raise a child when they know for certain it’s not in their cards. This is another element in how I’ve been navigating this question. I love her with everything I have and I can’t imagine us being apart and yet there is a pang that lingers of the father I assumed I would eventually become.

Anyway, thanks again for your thoughtful replies. They’ve helped so much especially since this is the first time I’ve voiced these thoughts.

  • robotrash@lemmy.robotra.shEnglish
    5311·
    1 year ago

    If you want kids you should have them. You can let fear of the ifs keep you from doing that. I say this being generally opposed to children as well lol

    • cygnus_velum@lemmy.worldOP
      131·
      1 year ago

      Yeah, only recently have I been opposed to having children outside of the Alzheimer’s question. We could afford to have them, but it would truly be paycheck to paycheck which I wouldn’t be comfortable with. Plus there are plenty of humans already on this poor planet.

      Also, my partner is very against having children. Which I understand, but it’s a different place to be in life when I always imagined having them. Now I’m trying to decide if I truly want to have them and the boat is sailing since I’m 36.

      • ChrisLicht@lemm.eeEnglish
        14·
        1 year ago

        It’s interesting to have gone the distance without having kids. Very few of my friends who had them seemed to enjoy the experience in the moment, but those few that did really did. Also, a couple of them lost the Russian Roulette and had kids with significant issues that currently can’t be fixed; they are staring down a potential lifetime of dealing with mental health and/or addiction issues in adult children.

        I’m fundamentally a risk-taker, but the returns have never seemed worth the commitment and possibility of wildly adverse outcomes, particularly living under the American social and economic models.

      • axolittl@lemmy.world
        1·
        1 year ago

        If you decide to have kids and choose to have a co-parent, rather being a single parent, choose a co-parent who also wants kids. Having kids with someone who doesn’t want them is cursing the kids to be raised by someone who doesn’t want them, which can have significant emotional consequences.

    • richieadler@lemmy.myserv.oneEnglish
      61·
      1 year ago

      I’d you want kids you should think carefully if you’re ready to raise them as better persons than you and to work for a better world that the one they received before you have them

      FTFY

  • yenahmik@lemmy.world
    19·
    1 year ago

    There have been some major strides in treatments that slow and/or halt the progression of Alzheimer’s recently. I would think that in the next 30-50 years it would be a much more manageable disease.

    I understand the concern of passing it down, but there is always adoption or sperm/egg donation, if you still wanted to be a parent. Honestly, nothing is guaranteed. You could die of something else long before Alzheimer’s could develop, or you could live to 100 in perfect health. Most of us will fall somewhere in between.

    I wouldn’t let something like that stop you from starting a family if it’s what you really want in life.

    • cygnus_velum@lemmy.worldOP
      6·
      1 year ago

      Yes, my dad has been on medication that slows it, but it’s definitely taken a turn these past few months. We had to get the doctor to tell him to stop driving this month. It’s been really hard on him especially since he doesn’t know why and thinks it’s his fault and that it must be because he is simply too dumb enough to drive. It’s truly heartbreaking.

      Also, that’s a good point that something entirely different could happen before Alzheimer’s.

      I don’t have really any big fears in my life. I’m good with heights, I can run workshops and talk in front of hundreds of people. But I’ve always truly feared losing my mind since my psych 101 class in college. My plan is to go to a country that allows assisted suicide if I do end up getting it and can still make decisions in my right mind.

    • ExLisper@linux.communityEnglish
      3·
      1 year ago

      I think currently there are only two drugs that slow it down a bit (give maybe couple of years more) but are also very expensive and are quite dangerous (can cause brain swelling). So some improvements but still long way from a treatment.

  • bobaduk@lemmy.world
    192·
    1 year ago

    From your other replies it seems like you’re unsure you want kids in any case, but if you do there’s a simple thought experiment here: do you wish your father hadn’t had you? If not, it’s reasonable to think your children would be just as grateful to be alive as you are, sick dad or not.

    • droans@lemmy.world
      10·
      1 year ago

      it seems like you’re unsure you want kids in any case

      Unless you’re certain you want kids, don’t have them. I love my little one, but it’s not easy.

      Kids deserve to have parents who can give them 100% and you do not want to live the rest of your life resenting them.

    • Enma Ai@lemmy.world
      114·
      1 year ago

      The positive for experiences dont equal out the negative experiences though. Negative experiences weigh more

      • CiderApplenTea@lemmy.world
        2·
        1 year ago

        But still, that would be weighed correctly in the question whether OP is glad their dad had them, the question isn’t whether they haven’t had happy memories

  • Mog_fanatic@lemmy.world
    15·
    1 year ago

    This is the main reason I have not had children. I am almost 100% guaranteed to get Alzheimer’s in the pretty near future. Having watched countless of my family members go through the absolutely heart wrenching process of Alzheimer’s progression, I can’t in good conscience have children (so far anyway, I’m not 100% on it) for two reasons:

    • I don’t want to put them through the grueling process of caring for, and dealing with someone dying from Alzheimer’s

    • While it’s not guaranteed obviously, I don’t want to doom a child to a very very good chance of getting Alzheimer’s at some point in their lives.

    There is of course a chance for a treatment to be developed but they’ve been saying that for decades and haven’t really come up with much of anything so far.

    • PeWu@lemmy.ml
      21·
      1 year ago

      I wouldn’t even be alive to this age, much more having kids

  • keider@lemmy.worldEnglish
    112·
    1 year ago

    There might be a cure for Alzheimer’s when you turn 65, medicine is advancing pretty rapidly now.

    • kent_eh@lemmy.caEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      There might be a cure for Alzheimer’s when you turn 65, medicine is advancing pretty rapidly now.

      Or even more likely by the time your (potential) kids get to that age.

  • MNByChoice@midwest.social
    102·
    1 year ago

    How inheritable is it (50-50%)? How certain is that fate? How old are you?

    I would not count it as an absolute no. 65 years of life is better than many get, and everyone has something bad in their genetics.

    Also, you seem to care and that is rare. As you care, that is a plus for you raising someone. Maybe not your generic kids, but someone.

  • bi_tux@lemmy.world
    7·
    1 year ago

    This thread makea me think of dark souls 1, where Siglinde of Catharina had to kill her father as he went hollow.

    But seriosly, you seem like quiet a good parent, maybe adopt children, if you don’t want them to have bad odds of getting Alzheimer. Also realisticly your partner would be the first person who’d take care of you.

  • regalia@literature.cafe
    81·
    1 year ago

    Definitely. They’ll be able to survive without me at that age and I’ll have my genes carry on. Not like they’ll last long with climate change anyways.

  • adrianmalacoda@lemmy.ml
    71·
    1 year ago

    I don’t want to have children, but if I knew I was going to get Alzheimer’s at 65 I would plan to leave this world at 64.

  • MrFunnyMoustache@lemmy.ml
    61·
    1 year ago

    As a person who doesn’t want kids anyway, I might not be the target audience of your question, but I will weigh in regardless.

    There are two components here:

    1. Bringing someone to existence when they are likely to inherit this terrible disease.

    2. Having your children experience seeing their parent with this disease.

    You don’t have to subscribe to anti-natalism to decide that it would be better to not have kids in this situation.

    You could however, if you still want to raise children, but don’t want to worry about #1, you can adopt. Plus you will spare yourself/your partner the pain and risk of pregnancy and childbirth, while at the same time give a family to a child who has none. Problem #2 will still be there, but depending on the age of the kid you adopt, they won’t be as young when/if you develop the symptoms and therefore might be better equipped to handle that.