Might sound silly, but every once in a while, random guys around me (pretty short, female) start humming/making random noises when they get near me, usually when I’m alone. Imagine me standing at a red traffic light at night or something. It’s never women. Sometimes, it’s some creep trying to get my attention, though that’s usually kinda obvious.
But I also had it happen with guys who didn’t seem like they wanted anything. I lowkey suspect that some might make noises so that I’m not caught off guard or something?
Any men on here who do this? Or am I just tripping?
Edit to summarize: So, a few guys apparently do it on purpose, while others think they might do it subconsciously. Some do it around women, others around whomever, since anyone can get scared. Super interesting.
Also, when I spoke of creeps, I meant actual assholes who did and said shitty stuff, not random socially awkward people. You know the drill.
Different people have different ways of trying to appear non-threatening. If I am ever behind a woman, I just start running behind them in a friendly chase fashion just to break the ice and make them realize that I am just a goofy harmless guy. Usually, they play along and run as well.
Oh, I know that game, very appreciated! When I get too excited, I might use pepper spray or a kick between the legs. It makes things fun!
Oh, she must hear the train coming
Not just with women. I usually drag my feet to make some noise when coming from behind. Most times I’m walking faster than other people so I constantly have to overtake them but don’t want to surprise anyone.
Women specifically I try to avoid passing directly, if it’s not too inconvenient or I will look in another direction, on my phone or whatever to make it clear I’m not interested in them.
But if a creep approaches her, I do make sure to stand nearby and be openly aware.
I hate that women need to be so afraid.
Said it before but: The assholes in the world ruin it for the rest of us. Good on you for keeping an eye out. I do it too, it gets exhausting though.
Personally I just walk up behind them, cover their eyes with my hands and yell “guess who?”
But to each their own
I go for walks for exercise. Sometimes I encounter lone women in the woods etc and I’ll try and take another route to avoid walking behind them. I feel like announcing by whistling etc would just make things worse. It annoys me that we have to think about these things tbh. I’m gay for fucks sakes, ive got zero interest in women. Im just out and about minding my own damn business.
Lol, I’m not into men and I very much wish that would exempt me from the harassment. The assholes in this world ruin it for the rest of us.
Yes.
I’m 6’5" and broad but the number of jump scares I cause is ludicrous. Most people (especially women) seem to have no situational awareness to the point where they miss gorillas approaching them.
If it’s a stranger then I’ll try to announce my approach from further away. If it’s someone I know I’ll see how high I can make them jump.
Edit: just saw you label some of these people creeps. They’re not. This is a massive green light that they don’t want to accidentally scare you.
Lol I’m a huge dude and I do the same. I usually go with a good foot scruff. Not too obnoxious, and most people will instantly identify it as someone is walking up.
yeah… i’ve noticed this too; Many people say I just appear out of thin air and startle them… that isn’t possible, I’m not stealthy… they just have zero situational awareness
No, I meant actual creeps, like someone making a noise and then aggressively hitting on me or saying something disgusting. Those happen from time to time.
You’re good.
I often “accidentally” drag my feet a little bit to make my footsteps are a little bit more audible.
I’m usually a very quiet walker, so I just want to make sure my presence is known, as opposed to startling people.
Not humming, but I do make noise intentionally. I’m a big guy and understand that I could be threatening to women in the wrong circumstance. I also walk fairly quietly just as a matter of the way I walk; so, I’ve scared folks on more than one occasion by “sneaking” up on them unintentionally. So, if I think I am doing that, I’ll land a few footfalls hard and flat to make my foot slap the ground and alert the person of my presence before I get too close. I also try to give space to strangers while walking. Things like moving to the other side of the sidewalk/street, slowing down or speeding up to pass. Basically, trying to not look like I’m stalking them.
I’ll clear my throat, jingle my keys, make louder footsteps to make my presence known, especially at night or when turning a corner. It’s not just for women, but for any person or animal to not be startled.
I think it’s a combination of courtesy, habit from having worked in a restaurant kitchen, and camping in bear country.
If I could see any practice from my time working food service make it into the general population, it would be “Behind” and “Heard”.
Yes, the fear is typically that we don’t want to be accused of following you, sneaking up on you, or being creepy, so there is usually some noise or overt thing we do to try to imply we are just minding our own business.
Sometimes to avoid the situation all together, (let’s say I am walking home at night and I see some woman walking the same direction ahead of me, and I know I am going to end up passing her because my pace is faster), then we will literally cross the street just so that we don’t have to be put in the awkward situation of walking up to and past you at 3 am on a public sidewalk.
There are other things beyond this as well that men do or avoid doing which women might not realize. Most men in my experience are really careful to never be left alone with children for example. No one blinks an eye if a woman is, but men have learned to avoid potential false accusations in this way as well.
A lot of men are fearful to do something as simple as taking their kids to the park because of this. You can search for articles in which fathers who take their own kids to the park have been accused of being pedophiles just for sitting on a bench while their children play, or accused of kidnapping just because they are an adult man with a child in public. You won’t find any articles about this happening with a woman.
This is a fear my therapist and I have talked about. I didn’t understand why children made me uncomfortable to be around. We discovered that it wasn’t about the kid, nor their age, but the perception. And I think some kids pick up on that anxiety.
Humming seems a bit odd. I wonder if those people are just humming to themselves.
I’ll do things like scuffing my feet, jingling my keys, or pretending to talk on my phone. I am a large guy and I naturally walk very quietly. I have scared quite a few women, and honestly, it is unpleasant for both of us.
I took a different approach, I put my keys on a carabiner so I jingle when I walk. It makes it really hard to accidentally startle people.
Also prevents you from eating birds. Or so the cats tell me.
I don’t think a cassowary has anything to fear from a house cat. Even a cuddly one. Most I’ve met are ornery as heck though.
Hahaha…true, and not too many big cats wear collars with bells when running around. Coming from a baked-goods-kitten, I totally trust you!
If I’m in an elevator alone with a woman or something I will usually just give a friendly nod and adopt a very relaxed posture, like leaning against the wall. The youtuber Contrapoints talked about this exact scenario in one of her videos (a black man whistling in the elevator so she wouldn’t feel scared) and it made me more aware of it.
Might look her up, thanks!
Yes.
I started doing that when I was walking back to my dorm in college. It was winter, night fell early, and I didn’t notice someone 10’ ahead of me heading the same way. They got freaked out by the guy following them.
It turned out to be someone who also lived in my dorm, so I “followed” them most of the way home before I realized the issue and called out to them.
We ended up talking for a bit, and I said I’m sorry for scaring them, but the biggest issue was I seemed to come out of nowhere, so when they freaked out they thought I was some creep like, waiting to jump someone.
So yeah, I make noise, for others comfort. I don’t even think about it anymore, it’s just automatic.
The person I followed wasn’t even a woman, he just thought I was gonna mug him, but if I can freak out a 6’2" guy I could freak out anyone by accident.
As someone who gets mistaken for a man: Yes. I clear my throat, shuffle my feet, make some kind of noise. If it’s a headphone wearer, I’m either going to slow down to make space or give them a wide berth if it can’t be avoided.
I’ll ‘walk heavy’ in stores or stairwells whenever there is a blind corner
